Saying goodbye {Again}

Sunday night Tom and I decided to try our

hand at having an all nighter.

We'd spend it finishing 24 season 2

and eating lots of emotional snacks like

fizzy cherries, and magnum ice cream bars.

We wanted to just spend our last night together

hanging out with each other, awake.

We made it to about 3am and then both passed out.

We're wimps, or I'm a wimp because I was the sleepy one.

5am rolls around and i'm up, got my shower, packed the last few things

and by 6:30am we were out the door and off to the airport.

We both sat in the back seat of Tom's grandads car.

Holding onto each other tightly, so tightly that I was sure we'd

have to be separated when the time came.

When we pulled up to the airport I gave Billy a big hug

and then took Tom's hand and we went into the airport.

Airports are a weird place for us.

On one hand they are full of excitement.

We like airports when one of us is flying to see the other.

But on the other hand airports are horrible places.

It's in airports that we have to say see you later.

It's in airports that one of us always has to walk away from the other.

And it's always really really hard.

It was especially hard this time.

We knew spending so much time together

was a blessing and a curse because while it was

so so so great it also made it really hard to leave.

I got so used to just being with Tom.

It became my normal.

[This is one of my favorite pictures that I put into the app Waterlogue. Def a Framer!!]

So we checked my bag and started walking towards

the lonely one way escalator.

I started crying because that's what I do.

I cried, hugged him, cried, kissed him.

People were starting to stare.

I watched some of the people who were staring

and they all looked as if they knew exactly what was happening.

They looked as if they were partaking in my heartbreak.

It was like they knew how hard this was for us.

Then I looked at Tom who gave me a big kiss and a big hug

as we waddled closer to this one way escalator. 

We stood there hugging for another minute or two

before I released him and walked toward the escalator.

We waved, we blew kisses,

and then it was just me, again.

I felt the ache instantly, of not being with him.

I found wifi as soon as possible and called him

and we talked for about 45 minutes before I had to

go find my gate.

The first flight was long and painful.

I actually kept wanting to cuddle up to the guy

next to me just out of habit, but thankfully I didn't

or the flight would have taken an awkward turn.

Once I landed in ATL I had about 5 hours to sit and chill.

I skyped Tom most of the time I was sitting there.

I also had some Panda Express which was freaking delicious!!

I slept the whole way from ATL to DAL 

which was good because it helped a little with the jetlag.

My family was overjoyed to see me.

It was a great moment being reunited with everyone.

So now I'm back in Texas and it's bitter sweet.

Being home is great but I'm just not all here anymore.

I've left half of myself back in England.

When It was time for me to go up to my room

and go to sleep my emotions hit me hard.

I was tired and I was sad but happy at the same time, it was weird.

I cried for a while before finally falling to sleep.

I miss Tom, i'll never not miss him when we're not together.

I'm so thankful for the 5 months we had together and

I can't wait for him to be here in a couple of weeks.

I'm also looking forward to the next year or two

where we've got plans to spend even more time together.

So my tears and my sadness all stem from

being emotionally distraught because I've had to leave the one I love.

But I'm fully aware that we have some amazing time's ahead of us

that include long term plans so these tears are temporary.

Tom will be here before I know it and I'm so looking forward to that!

So while we're not together we'll both be keeping busy

with work and working out [for the caribbean] and i'll be doing

some re-decorating and some etsy shop creating.

So we'll be ok, I know we will.

It's hard but we've done it successfully before

and we'll keep doing this until we're to a point where

we are both financially ready to take another step ;)

I'm so thankful for this blog because when the time comes

for that next step immigration can just read all of this

and then they won't have any questions for us haha

On a different note my baby brother graduated from High School last night!

We are so proud of him and I can't wait to take him up to

my Alma Mater this fall where he'll start College!! So crazy!!

Thanks to everyone who has followed me on this journey

over the past year and a half. I'm so thankful that Tom and I are able

to do everything that we've done and I can't wait to see where we go from here.

It won't be long till the British Cowboy is back ;)

Hope you are all having a great week!!

A quick shoutout to my British family!!

Miss you guys so much!!!!